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 Arsenal of the Angel

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Tenshi

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Posts : 9
Join date : 2017-10-14

PostSubject: Arsenal of the Angel   Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:52 am

Name: Tenshi no Tsubasa (天使の翼, Wings of the Angel)
Rank: S-Rank
Type: Bladed Tessen
Materials: Chakra Conductive Steel
Visual Description: This is not a single weapon, but rather a set of two folding fans with bladed leaves. These fans, or tessen, possess black guards and sticks, and pale white leaves with the design of three crosses placed across it equidistant from each other upon them.
Power: 300
Endurance: 700
Ability:
Great Winds (Major) - These tessen are the perfect tools for utilizing Wind Release, as they are capable of naturally manipulating air currents, though more limited without the use of chakra. When these fans are opened to a certain cross, they are capable of gathering enough wind to reduce or eliminate the prices of certain ranks of Wind Release techniques:
Closed - D-Rank Wind Release cost no chakra, C-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, B-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
One Cross - C-Rank and Below Wind Release cost no chakra, B-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, A-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
Two Cross - B-Rank and Below Wind Release cost no chakra, A-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, S-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
Three Cross - A-Rank and Below Wind Release cost no chakra, S-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, SS-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
Symbolic Attachment (Major) - Angel's connection with his Bladed Tessen is one that transcends a mere tool-wielder relationship. This manifests itself when Angel materializes his Susano'o in its Humanoid, Armored or Perfect forms. In the first form, the Susano'o manifests a second set of arms with a separate shoulder joint connecting to the construct's shoulder blades, holding the Giant versions of the Tenshi no Tsubasa. The second is similar, however it is a third set of arms, while the third fuses the arms and the fans in order to form feathered wings that are capable of being folded around the Susano'o like a cloak. The Giant versions of the fans have two states rather than the four of the original, while the two states are much more potent due to the size of the Susano'o:
Half Giant Cross/Half Span - A-Rank and Below Wind Release cost no chakra, S-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, SS-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
Full Giant Cross/Full Span - S-Rank and Below Wind Release cost no chakra to use, SS-Rank Wind Release have the prices Quartered, X-Rank Wind Release have the prices Halved
*Note: The chakra drain from the usage of the Tenshi no Tsubasa is applied to the Susano'o technique when the Giant/Wing variations are used, however only when the wings are at Half (drain is halved) or Full (Drain is normal) Giant Cross/Span.
Chakra Storage Device (Medium) - This is a unique ability of the Tenshi no Tsubasa, which allow them to store up to 500 Chakra within them, however this chakra cannot be used to fuel Angel's techniques, but rather is devoted to maintaining the usage of the weapons. (Once the chakra stored within the tessen have been depleted, the weapons begin draining from Angel's Chakra for their usage).
Boost of the Exhalted (Minor) - When contact with the Tenshi no Tsubasa is made by the rightful wielder, they gain a passive +50 boost in Strength. One doesn't need to be using the Tenshi no Tsubasa to receive the boost, it only needs to be on their person.
Cost: 30,500 Ryo (No Payment Required due to being a Gift); 50 Chakra per Turn
Requirements: Only able to be wielded by Angel and his direct descendants (Children, Grandchildren etc.). If his line dies out, or he doesn't bare any children, the Tenshi no Tsubasa are unable to be used by anyone.
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Kiiro



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Join date : 2017-09-23

PostSubject: Re: Arsenal of the Angel   Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:33 am

Hello,
Diving right in, I see a few issues.

1. S rank weapon - 3 Major Abilities, 1 minor max
2. You do not have enough strength to wield this weapon, your str is 170, the requirement is 175
3. After reading the opening bonus, I will update it to say S-Rank Weapon with 2 Free Abilities, so please be mindful of that (since right now it just says a Free S Rank weapon sans abilities)
4. Chakra Storing, max 250 per rules on major ability (You need to charge that up, does not start out with 250)
5. Major abilities - Major abilities are anything a B rank technique and below could do, with a chakra cost. Since you are going up to SS rank (Which will never get discounts) please remove those, and the max you can give a discount too is B rank.

Now, breaking down some abilities, the first one, discounts for wind techniques, is this in addition to the ninjutsu discount for elements?

I would be okay with an ability that deflects kunai and other such thrown objects with just a swing (fully open, if it is a giant tessen, if it is a small tessen, then that will require chakra). Anything else beyond that needs some sort of chakra cost. Please remember abilities are basically techniques/jutsu that your weapon can preform/combination style. They are not mean to be "special" abilities that would cost exp via the exp system.

Second ability - I am not sure I fully understand this. Your Susanoo form grants you additional arms, wings, and wind techniques discount, also giant fans (I think I read 4 additional fans). That is way to much for an ability, remember they cap off at B rank (unless you are looking to get a Legendary/Relic weapon, that costs EXP).

Third - Medium ability - max chakra storage is 250 for a major ability, you are 500 with a minor

Fourth - Passive Stat boost to strength of +50. Which is fine, since you have 170 + 50 would be above the requirement to wield this weapon. However, you may want to reconsider some of your other options first, with some of the other abilities. Just a note, you said on your person, that does not include sealed in a scroll etc etc

Requirements - This is another ability, to only be wielded by yourself or your descendants, either this needs to be a ability, or removed entirely. Requirements would be the strength cost, having bukijutsu allowable to use an S rank weapon, and having the wind release weapon.

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Tenshi

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PostSubject: Re: Arsenal of the Angel   Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:30 pm

Before I start making any edits, I just want to address the points you brought up:
1) The Weapon Template, for an S-Rank Weapon, says 3 Major Abilities OR Any combination of abilities from lower ranked weapons +1 Minor Ability. I chose the 2 Major and 1 Medium from A-Rank Weapons and added the +1 Minor Ability
2) This is covered with the Minor Ability
3) When I made this, the opening bonus only said an S-Rank weapon, which I took to mean a regular S-Rank Weapon. Changing it because of something I made and restricting so that it cannot be as varied as other S-Rank Weapons defeats the purpose of it being an S-Rank Weapon.
4) The rules are extremely misleading. It says "250 Chakra per Major Ability) and then goes on to state that there can only be one chakra storing ability on a weapon, so I thought it meant 250 per Major Ability overall. Hence how I reached 500.
5) I understand this concern of yours, truthfully. I'll change them accordingly.

Kiiro wrote:
Now, breaking down some abilities, the first one, discounts for wind techniques, is this in addition to the ninjutsu discount for elements?

No, this is used over the Ninjutsu discount.

Kiiro wrote:
I would be okay with an ability that deflects kunai and other such thrown objects with just a swing (fully open, if it is a giant tessen, if it is a small tessen, then that will require chakra). Anything else beyond that needs some sort of chakra cost. Please remember abilities are basically techniques/jutsu that your weapon can preform/combination style. They are not mean to be "special" abilities that would cost exp via the exp system.
That...honestly makes no sense to me? Tessen....literally gather wind when swung. So one would only need to add chakra to the already gathered wind in order to use wind release.

Kiiro wrote:
Second ability - I am not sure I fully understand this. Your Susanoo form grants you additional arms, wings, and wind techniques discount, also giant fans (I think I read 4 additional fans). That is way to much for an ability, remember they cap off at B rank (unless you are looking to get a Legendary/Relic weapon, that costs EXP).
I thought I had stated it clearly, but apparently not. It simply adds an extra set of limbs to the Susano'o. In the Humanoid and Armored form, the Susano'o wield Giant Tessen, while in the Perfect form the Tessen have fused with the wings in order to form feathered angel wings. I honestly don't know where you got four from...

Kiiro wrote:
Third - Medium ability - max chakra storage is 250 for a major ability, you are 500 with a minor
Covered this already. And the ability is a Medium.

Kiiro wrote:
Fourth - Passive Stat boost to strength of +50. Which is fine, since you have 170 + 50 would be above the requirement to wield this weapon. However, you may want to reconsider some of your other options first, with some of the other abilities. Just a note, you said on your person, that does not include sealed in a scroll etc etc
I know what constitutes "one your person", yes. I wasn't planning on sealing them anyway.

Kiiro wrote:
Requirements - This is another ability, to only be wielded by yourself or your descendants, either this needs to be a ability, or removed entirely. Requirements would be the strength cost, having bukijutsu allowable to use an S rank weapon, and having the wind release weapon.
Again, I don't understand why this would be an ability. It is a requirement, because of the fact that it has such powerful abilities. It is a requirement to wield it, not something that adds a boost to anything, which is generally what makes up an ability.
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Kiiro



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PostSubject: Re: Arsenal of the Angel   Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:35 pm

You are right about the abilities, my mistake.

Going into the bonus, it does state a free S rank weapon, nothing about free abilities, Stating I am going to change it to allow 2 free abilities is a boon for you, not a hinderence. Otherwise its a free s rank weapon sans abilities.

The chakra storing, yea a bit misleading, 250 per major ability, 150 for medium, 50 for minor, is really how it should be

Susanno - if it not 4 fana or 3 sure fine. The way I read it was, second pair of arms, holding giant versions of the fan. Versions being plural. The perfect form, the third set fuses with the fans to form wings... 1 fan for 2 wings?? Then it goes on to say the giant versions of the fans have 2 forms rather than 4.... you can see the misleading info here.

Tessen gathering wind etcetc with a chakra cost, yup, that is the case.

About the on your person, you said them... more than one fan??

The final restriction. Only you can weild it basically? Preventing any theives or people taking it from your person... sorry that is a no fly wih me, nothing here notes this is so special any wibd release user could use it. Im cool with it magically growing huge, fusing with Susanno at no cost to you but not that part
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Tenshi

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PostSubject: Re: Arsenal of the Angel   Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:52 pm

Rather than make this being a Giant Tessen, the weapon is split into 2 Handheld Bladed Tessen. That is why its plural. I am guessing you skipped over the appearance to read the abilities, otherwise you would've known that because it is clearly stated there.

I honestly don't understand why I can't restrict it to Angel's use? Like it isn't harming anyone and it stops the weapon from being able to give any random person its abilities.
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Kiiro



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PostSubject: Re: Arsenal of the Angel   Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:29 pm

If you can, make the changes and let me know. You can have it restricted, but it is an ability, no one said you can't do it, just that it needs to be an ability.

I am also updating the bonus gift to show 2 free abilities and an S rank weapon.
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